This is a tough thing to do, even when you both are on the same page.

When I got married (prehistoric times) there were two choices in invitations- white or ivory. Black ink. Very formal wording for the invitation, straight out of Emily Post. And computers weren’t handy so you handwrote all of your invitations- or hoped your Mother’s handwriting, sister’s or friend’s might save the day.

Just to go on record- my invitations were a beautiful shade of moss; with a contemporary, block style of type. They didn’t match anything else in my color scheme. That’s OK. I can say that my future in-laws weren’t thrilled with this unconventional choice. But it was small potatoes compared to what else was coming around the bend.

There are so many choices it can make your head spin. And even once you have decided on something, you might see something else that you like better.

So here’s some advice-

Take time- but not forever. When you see it, trust your decision and don’t look back. Move forward and stay the course, because you have so many more decisions to make before you walk down the aisle.

Do not forget along the way to keep your sense of humor, act graciously and thank any and all who offer advice. (As Miss Manners would say acknowledgement is not a commitment- it just means you have heard them and thanked them for their kind expressions of information).

So in dealing with your Mother, his Mother and everyone else, it’s a fine line between pushing and pulling. Compromise isn’t easy- so pick the items you’re pretty set on and also make a list of items where you could encourage (or accept) input and help in the final decision.

Give and Take. Push and Pull. Because in the end, that is what marriage and work and friendship is all about.

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